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one-shot ponyfics by fantasyworld002

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Submitted on
March 14, 2011
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29 (who?)
We'll be back to My Little Ponies on The HUB after these words from our sponsors!

Rainbow Dash is standing in a bathroom as she tosses back her mane. "Hello ladies..." she begins in a sultry tone before licking her lips. "Look at your stallion. Now back to me. Now back at your stallion. Now -back- to me. Sadly, he isn't me. But if you stop using Heterosexuality and switch to Lesbianism, you could find a nice mare ALMOST as cool as me."

Rainbow Dash starts to trot, the bathroom walls pulling away to reveal she's on a boat as a life preserver drops from the sky to land around her neck. "Look down, now back up. Where are you? You're on a boat to the Island of Lesbos with the fastest pony in all of Equestria. Now look at your hand, now back to me. I have it!" She lifts her left hoof holding a clam. As the clam opens, she replies. "It's a clam with two tickets to that movie you love but your stallion says he never wants to go see..."

She drops the clam to the deck as twin rainbows appear in the sky over her boat. "Look again. It's double rainbows all the way across the sky. Anything is possible when you switch to Lesbianism and date a mare. I'm a pegasus!"

Rainbow Dash whinnies and tosses her mane as whistling music is heard at the end of the commercial. Next to her in red letters appears the words: Be About 20% Cooler - Lesbianism

*channel change*

Pinkie Pie hides behind the counter with Applebloom as they watch the four ponies in Sugar Cube Corner eating cupcakes. "I don't wanna be the one to tell them!" Applebloom says with a worried voice.

Pinkie Pie begins shaking her hooves rapidly as she backs up. "WellIcan'tbetheonetotellthem! The Cakes will kill me!"

Applebloom suddenly looks up. "I know! We can use Apologies by Gilda!"

As the four ponies finish their cupcakes, a female gryphon walks up to the table and slams her fist down upon it. "Okay, listen up you scatterbrained ponies! This is an apology from Applebloom! It turns out that the cupcakes you were just served were accidentally Baked Bads. The doctor's on the way over to treat you, but you'll probably be sick before he gets here..."

The four ponies look at the gryphon in complete shock as Gilda pulls out an ice chest and opens it. "She's sorry for the inconvenience... But hey, Apple  Acres' Hard Cider?" She pulls out four bottles, and the four ponies about to get sick from extreme food poisoning start laughing.

"Well, this is great!" Cheers the first at the others smile before opening the bottles of hard cider.

Gilda nods and looks about the table. "There, you see? Drink some cider and every thing's okay!"

The camera switches to a bottle of the cider pouring into a glass as an announcer's voice intones, "Refreshingly smooth Apple Acres' Hard Cider. It makes ANYTHING fun!"

*channel change*

Princess Celestia is sitting behind a desk with her hooves crossed before her as she looks directly at the camera. "I'm here to talk to you about a serious issue. Every day, thousands of posts in pony-themed threads on 4chan are derailed by trolls. While we preached tolerance and love before, I've founded a new group to help solve the problem."

She turns her head to the left as the camera switches angles to move with her. "We in PETA, or Ponies Eating Tasty Anon-trolls, believe these Anonymous trolls can be used to supplement the food shortage currently hitting Equestria. So donate a troll today to feed a hungry pony, gryphon, dragon or monster in Equestria today. Think of the poor, hungry hydras and basilisks who will get a meal thanks to your help. So join PETA today. It's not just good for you, it's good for Bronies everywhere."

*channel change*

"Hoof-On! Apply directly to the forehead!"
"Hoof-On! Apply directly to the forehead!"
"Hoof-On! Apply directly to the forehead!"

*channel change*

Twilight Sparkle sits at a cafe in front of a sandwich with a huge grin on her muzzle as the announcer begins. "This is Twilight! Twilight is doing quite well... Quite well indeed!"

The scene shifts to Twilight reading a scroll with 'Hornzyte' across the top as the announcer continues. "That's because not long ago, Twilight realized with a quick dragon scroll sending she could have something much better in her life!"

The scene shifts again to Twilight in front of her library as Snails peers curiously at her as he holds a stage magic wand. "And what did she get in return? More confidence! More Self esteem!" Twilight waves to Snails, and Snails's wand droops like a wet noodle.

Twilight then opens the Library door to reveal Princess Luna with a smile as large as Twilight's on her muzzle as the announcer finishes. "And a very happy missus at home! So send a scroll via your neighborhood dragon to order your sample of Hornzyte today! Hornzyte, the effective and natural way to unicorn enhancement!"

*channel change*

The picture switches to black & white and shows a square white room. Several male & female unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasus wearing black underwear then appear in the room and begin dancing with each other. It then switches to two male pegasus wearing black underwear kissing on the screen. Next the screen switches to a pony hoof dipping into a pool of water as a female announcer says, "The new HT One from Hoity Toity. The unisex cologne for only the fanciest tastes."

*channel change*

The screen is starts to show different primary colors as a black outline of Fluttershy is shown dancing on screen. From her ears are two black lines that run down to a white screen on her forehoof as music starts to play...

"When the truth is found...
To be... Lies!
And all the joys...
Within you... Dies!
Don't you want some pony to love?
Don't you need some pony to love?
Wouldn't you love some pony to love?
You better find some pony to love...
Your eyes! I say, your eyes may look like his...
But in your head, baby, I'm afraid you don't know where it is...
Don't you want some pony to love?
Don't you need some pony to love?
Wouldn't you love some pony to love?
You better find some pony to love..."

The announcer then speaks as the commercial ends, "The new iHoof 9000. Available now from AppleMac industries."

And now back to My Little Ponies on The Hub!
I wrote this for the Equestria Daily Writefiend/Drawfiend... The idea was spawned by the underwear ponies, and got me thinking about the nonsense Calvin Klien commercials... Then I thought... "HEY! What if ponies had commercials during My Little Pony?" And thus the fic was born... References below...

#1. Old Spice Guy
#2. Bud Light Apologybot Commercial [link]
#3. PETA
#4. Head-On, a headache medicine in the US.
#5. Enzyte, a 'male enhancement' product
#6. CK One and Underwear Ponies
#7. Apple's iPod & Jefferson Starship's 'Somebody to Love'
Add a Comment:
Rainbowdasher29 Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
The Hoof On bit made me spew my milk! XD
Twoforflinching Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
Very nice now we need to find voice actors and animators XD
SPARTANXIII Featured By Owner May 20, 2011
So funny. So flipping FUNNY.
useraccount Featured By Owner May 17, 2011
That first one...I couldn't decide whether to read it in the voice of Isaiah Mustafa (the Old Spice Guy) or in the voice of Rainbow Dash (would that be Ashleigh Ball, her voice actor?)
RoyGBiv-MLP Featured By Owner May 18, 2011
Read it as Rainbow Dash trying to sound like Isaiah Mustafa...?
Salohcin-Silverwing Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2011  Student Writer
:icontwilightnoesplz:........that.......was......HILAROUS! :iconfluttershyyayplz:
raistuumum Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Don't want to be that guy, but you mean Jefferson Airplane. They didn't become Starship until the 70s.

Other than other, that was a hoot.
RoyGBiv-MLP Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
Easily fixed!
MCmkII Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2011
I've never encountered any of those commercials (european here) and I still found this hilarious. Two thumbs.
AtomicGreymon Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2011
Dash's made me lol. She's so awesome, it almost managed to convinced me. However, considering I'm a guy, human, and live-action... I'm not entirely sure what I was almost convinced of, lol.
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