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Submitted on
April 16, 2011
File Size
8.2 KB


10,880 (2 today)
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"Hey Dash?"

"Yes AJ?"

The two friends sat snuggled together in front of the orchard on Apple Acres Farm after a long morning applebucking. Applejack smiled peacefully, resting her head against Dash's teal flank as she sighed whistfully. "I re'kon I'm right glad that these here apple trees done grew an' became a right fruitful an' applicious apple orchard!"

Rainbow Dash smirked, trying to keep her aloof and cool nature despite the fact her wings were starting to rise into the air slowly. "I know, AJ, imagine! We can make apple juice... Apple sauce... Traditional Apple Pie... Apple Cobbler..."

The orange earth pony nodded softly, closing her eyes as a light blush rose in her muzzle's freckled cheeks. "Ah' think that there orchard is'n tha' most valuable property that we have!"

The pegasus just kept gently cuddling the earth pony close, her forehooves caressing the other as she looks down at the earth pony with loving eyes. "I agree! I think we should go to the Ponyville Bank and get a loan... Actually, I think we should get apple orchard insurance, and then get a loan with the orchard as collateral since they are now insured. I truly do love our apple trees..."

Applejack leaned up, kissing the underside of Dash's muzzle before whispering out, "Just imagine, a life full of apple trees!"

A blush rose in Dash's teal cheeks as she smiles at the token of affection. "I know! And all... And all our beautiful apples..."

The earth pony's eyes lit up with excitement at the conversation. "Endless Possibilities!"

Dash chuckled and nodded. "Endless possibilities... And they're all so beautiful..."

Applejack leaned back, looking up whistfully at the sky as she let out a sigh. "I wish I was an apple tree..."

Dash blinked before doing a double-take of shock. "You wish you were an apple tree?" Slipping back into character, she hugged the other equine close as she nuzzled her cheek into AJ's own. "If you were an apple tree, I'd plant you on the highest hilltop and cherish you like I cherish all our apple trees."

The orange equine sighed softly and looked over her shoulder at Dash before saying in a dreamy tone of voice, "That there is so beautiful, sugah!"

The pegasus grinned and looked down embaressedly. "Well, I try..."

Applejack's voice then gets rough as a scowl crosses her muzzle. "Ah' only hope that there Pinkie Pie whore ain't stealin' none o' our apples. Ya' know that there damn naughty Pinkie Pie always is stealin' them there apples for apple cupcakes!"

Dash rubs the back of her own head with a forehoof as she swallowed. "Well, we do have a Pinkie Pie problem, in this... In the Ponyville area, yes."

Raising a forehoof to the sky, Applejack shakes it in anger as she cries out, "That there damn dirty apple-stealin' whore!"

Dash shakes her head as her voice also gets angry. "I hate her! 'Cause no one will steal our prized apples from our orchard."

The earth pony then changes her tone, a questioning look crossing her muzzle as she blinks. "Hey, hasn't it been 'bout 10 seconds since we last looked at them there apple trees?"

The teal pegasus blinks and ponders for a moment. "Oh my gosh, it -HAS- been about 10 seconds since we last looked at our apple trees! Let's look..." She turns her head around, then points a hoof towards the orchard in shock. "HEY, WHAT THE FUCK!"

Applejack turns quickly and sees what shocked Rainbow Dash so much... A pink earth pony stuffing apples into a mesh bag. Leaping up, she begins to gallop towards the orchard as she nickers out, "It's that there Pinkie Pie Whore! That whore be stealing our apples! Dash, get them thar' apples back!"

The pegasus zips over, snatching the bag from the pink pony before nickering out, "You can't have these!"

Pinkie Pie blinks, then gives a big grin. "Oh, you silly fillies! These are my apples for apple cupcakes!"

Applejack grabs the bag from Rainbow Dash as she shakes her head angrily. "I'll take these here apples back ta' the barn. YOU stay here, Dash, an' show this here apple-stealin' whore what we do to apple stealers here!"

As AJ runs off towards the barn, Dash gets a predatory look while she starts to close in on Pinkie Pie - sweat beading on her brow as she licked her lips in a perverted manner. "Bueno..."

Meanwhile, behind a movie camera, Twilight Sparkle looks towards Rarity who is sitting in a Director's chair - complete with beret and monicle. "Um, Rarity...? Who did you say you got this movie script from again...?"

Rarity lets out a high-pitched laugh and wves a hoof at Twilight. "Oh, Fluttershy found a movie script by Rose Papillonne! Now, zoom in on this scene! Applejack will be back soon with the 'special' harnesses for her and dear Rainbow Dash..."

As rather adult sounds begin to be heard from the orchard, Twilight swallowed nervously. "Are you SURE you need us to make this movie?"

Rarity nodded as she looked about. "But of course! Applejack needs our help to raise the money for the new apple orchard tax! How else will she get the bits?" Shaking her head, Rarity tsked softly. "Now cheer up... You need to get ready for your scene in the spa helping the 'princess', my dear Twilight."

A blush rose in the purple unicorn's cheeks as she turned back to filming the scene. "I just hope her movie scripts have better endings than her books..."

In the royal bedroom of Celestia, the regal princess sat filling out some royal degrees when a timid knock is heard outside her door. Turning, the princess smiles wide and calmly nickers out, "Enter..."

A shy yellow pegasus with an impossibly long pink mane slowly shuffles into the bedroom as she swallows nervously. "Ah, your highness... We... We finished the film to help pay for the 'tax'."

Using her magic, the alicorn princess lifts the glasses from her muzzle as she nods. "And your friends, were they none the wiser?"

The pegasus shook her head rapidly as she looked down. "Oh, no no no... They... They still think this film was made to raise bits for a new tax. They must never know about my... secret shame."

As a blush as pink as her mane rises on Fluttershy's cheeks, the princess feels her heart skip a beat. "Ah, yes... Your nom de plume as Rose Papillonne... Well, I shall keep to my word and not tell your friends. But we have all day to discuss that. Come closer, Miss Papillonne... Or shall I call you Fluttershy, instead?"

The yellow pegasus backed up slightly, her bottom bumping the door to close it behind her as she let out the tiniest squeak of nervousness. Shaking her head, the pegasus tries to hide her face behind her mane. "I-I-I... I'm not worthy of this attention, My Princess..."

Celestia trotted closer to tower over the smaller pegasus, licking her lips gently in anticipation. "Mmmm, but I'm such a huge fan of your novels... And I was so hoping we could watch your movie debut together..." The princess's muzzle closed to within almost an inch from the shy pegasus, the larger ruler reaching out with a forehoof to touch Fluttershy's chin. Lifting her head, the gentle eyes of the princess showed just a hint of desire. "Besides, I always wondered if your writing was ever inspired by real events..."

The pegasus gulped before letting out another nervous squeak. "B-b-but princess..."

Celestia leaned forward, kissing the muzzle lips of the shy pegasus to silence her. The two equines held the kiss for a moment before the princess broke the kiss with a sly smile. Giving an impish grin, she smiles. "Ah, for tonight... Can you call me 'sister'?" The princess bit her lower lip nervously as she looked away.

Celestia felt a gentle hoof on her shoulder. As she turned back, she saw Fluttershy's smile had taken a naughty turn of her own. "Oooh, I know this game quite well... Can big sister teach me all about these weird feeling?"

Celestia licked her lips again and nodded. "Oh, yes... In fact, I have a video here that we can watch that explains all about them..."
This spamfic was inspired by the WORST porn movie intro EVER here: [link]

Yeah, I made a reference to ~Buttersc0tchSundae

EDIT: ~jesustheatheist drew a picture of director Rarity!
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KillerOreoXD Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013
oh good god lol
Jozilla877 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012
adexia Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
VerrucktZeichen Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2011
...I'm not quite sure what to say to this.
Shard197 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2011
Just fabulous.
artsyfartsy1998 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011  Student General Artist
Well, I'll admit that Fluttershy DOES look good with anyone...
RoyGBiv-MLP Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011
Fluttershy is EVERYONE'S Pony Waifu....
artsyfartsy1998 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2011  Student General Artist
NutjobGTO Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011

I mean...

RoyGBiv-MLP Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011
It's crack on steroids.
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